-- NFL broadcaster Cris Collinsworth on prima donna Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss: "He didn't play the last two years in Oakland, so he's healthy" ... Dolphins landing Executive VP Bill "Big Tuna" Parcells brought these headlines in local papers: Tuna Helper, Tuna Surprise and Tuna Melt-down. Their players sure weren't on the same page this season; in fact, they weren't in the same library ... Did you know Browns legendary quarterback Otto Graham played in the championship game in each of his 10 seasons in pro football? Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, eat your heart out ... Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren (former high school history teacher) is the only man in his family. He's got all daughters (4) and granddaughters (5). Hope this isn't his last season though Jim Mora is reportedly waiting in the wings.
-- Appalachian State coach Jerry Moore on why his team couldn't celebrate very long after upsetting #5 Michigan: "We had Lenoir-Rhyna coming to our place."
-- According to Dave King, kangaroos cannot walk backwards.
-- Barry Bonds is no longer baseball's biggest jerk--the crown now fits Roger Clemens, though both experienced stunning career resurgences in their late 30s. An extra 40 pounds of power muscle sure helped. We'd like to see Clemens injected with truth serum! Once his high power attorneys clear him, expect a massive pro-Clemens street rally in Siberia ... The only ones we know to be clean are Dale Murphy and Hannah Montana ... Red Sox manager Terry Francona on what he got his players for Christmas: "I gave pitcher Jonathan Papelbon dance lessons at Arthur Murray's."
-- An upset Shaq O'Neal is vehemently denying that his career is fading fast. He was so mad after a recent game he angrily kicked over his walker ... Isn't it just ironic, in basketball you can drive, but you can't walk!
-- Alabama State has a 7'1 Navajo hoops star named Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims, Jr. Whew!
-- Boxer Ricky Hatton after being knocked down twice and TKO'd in the 10th round by Floyd Mayweather: "What a fluke that was."
-- In closing, Petey Henning describes a football fan as a person who will yell at a quarterback for not spotting an open receiver 25 yards downfield, then heads for the parking lot and is unable to find his own car.
(Some of the information in this column was obtained from other news organizations)