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That's Sports

by T.R. FAHY

-- Dennis Rodman was fired on Celebrity Apprentice recently for drinking on the job. Couldn't they tell he was drunk when he hit on the "lovely" Joan and Melissa Rivers? ... Last month, Cavs' LeBron James appeared on 60 Minutes. Did he have to slam dunk on Andy Rooney?

-- The NCAA has been investigating UConn basketball recruiting practices. UConn is pronounced "you con."

-- Sign in the window of a diner across the street from Dunedin Stadium seeking servers: "Real men wear aprons" ... Red Sox owner John Henry, 59, will marry his fiancee, Linda Pizzuti, "30", on June 27. We understand he proposed to her at a Chuck E Cheese ... If Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia ($161 mil contract) turns out to be a bust, the financial fallout could set the organization back several "days." ... The average price for a Bronx Bomber game is $239 ... Nine patients accounted for an astounding 2,700 emergency room visits at a Texas hospital during the past six years. When one of them was asked why he made so many visits, fragil J.D. Drew declined comment ... The Marlins now require neat haircuts and no jewelry on the field. If star shortstop Hanley Ramirez continues to pound the ball, who cares if he comes to the plate looking like Mr. T with a beard ... We like the Mets and the Rays in the World Series.

-- According to Dottie Dennis, George Washington named his dogs Tipsy and Drunkard.

-- Is that a baby we hear crying? No, it's Browns quarterback Jay Cutler! ... The Bucs recently held open tryouts for cheerleaders. Coincidently, all throughout Hillsborough County, men told their wives they had to run to Lowe's and would return in three hours ... A while back, Tampa Bay linebacker Geno Hayes was stabbed in the neck by his girlfriend. Police are contemplating sending her on a blind date with Chris Brown (Rihanna's boyfriend).

-- Cruel NHL April Fool's headline: "Lightning Wins".

-- A man in Newark, Ohio has been arrested for DUI while driving a motorized bar stool. What the heck was golfer John Daly doing in Newark, Ohio?

-- And finally, Bob Richards gives us three new tourist attractions in New York City: The Museum of Subway Odors, the chalk body outline walking tour and the not to be missed mob informant aqua show.

(Some of the information in this column was obtained from other news organizations)

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