By Leo Coughlin
Nobody asked me, but –
. . . In some recent speculation about who might succeed Bill Young as our man in Washington when he decides to step down some names mentioned were Karen Seel and John Morroni. Seel is the best of the bunch and no other real contender is in sight.
. . . It turns out that the defense of “I was following orders” that was rejected at Nuremberg for Nazi war criminals now is a viable defense for Americans who torture perceived enemies. Nothing like progress in this world of ours, hey?
. . . Kudos to Jenny Shelby, off to Yale next September with a full scholarship. Marty and Carrie Shelby have too much class to show it obviously, but you know they are bursting with pride.
. . . Tim Tebow, the great Florida quarterback, on the Gators being honored last week at the White House as national football champs – “It’s a great honor coming from our commander in chief.” No, Tim, the president is the commander in chief only of those in the armed forces. The “overall boss” idea was a notion propagated by Lyndon Johnson (“You’ve got do this for your commander in chief” in his persuasive way). The CinC of all citizens idea is one presidents like to promote.
. . . Funny math? The county hicockalorums claim they must cut the budget by 20 percent – $80 million. That would be the case if the budget were $400 million. But the county’s budget is something like $1.6 billion last time I looked so an $80 million cut would be 5 percent, n’est ce pas?
. . . No good deeds go unpunished department – Al Capone quoted in a recent feature in the Big Paper: “I'm going to St. Petersburg, Florida, tomorrow. Let the worthy citizens of Chicago get their liquor the best they can. I'm sick of the job — it's a thankless one and full of grief. I don't know when I'll get back, if ever. I've been spending the best years of my life as a public benefactor. I've given people the light pleasures, shown them a good time. And all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man — I'm called a killer. Ninety-nine percent of the people in Chicago drink and gamble. I've tried to serve them decent liquor and square games. But I'm not appreciated. It's no use. I've got some property in St. Petersburg I want to sell. It's warm there, but not too warm.”
. . . Whatever became of Young Boozer?
. . . The most obscene movie ever made is “Schindler’s List.” I finally got around to it out of a sense of duty, but could only take one hour of it. The horrible thing about the movie is that it is all essentially true and it happened in a time when I was happy and free and comfortable.
. . . In answer to the question raised here about homeless folks with cell phones, Terry Sandeen informs us that the District of Columbia instituted a program offering cell phones to street people so they could stay in touch with relatives and potential employers. Your federal tax dollars at work.
. . . We are soon going to find out if we are a nation of laws, as we ballyhoo and so fondly like to think, or a nation of politesse and political convenience. Crunch time is coming.
. . . How come the loudest anti-tax noise comes from the states who get back from the federal government way more money than they pay in? And these same states make the super-patriotic noises but want to abandon the country (Hi, Rick Perry!). How can a person be standing in a crowd waving an American flag and hollering “Secede”? I don’t get it.
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